Thursday, February 05, 2004


Funny how all these things in my life are swirling together. It feels as though it should be that way. Like there is no separation between my classes, my work, my life, my relationships--it all swirls deliciously into one and there's a sense of the Divine in that. The book we read this week in Spiritual Formation brought a new understanding of myself as Protector. I keep testing the word to see whether it's true--or to find out whether there's a truer word--but that one still holds. As I return to the stories I posted Tuesday, about Russ and Nathan, I can see that I wanted to protect Russ (and myself) from feelings of abandonment; I wanted to protect Nathan (and myself) from the feeling of being flawed, unlovable, unsalvagable. Yesterday I wanted to protect Pam from her deep disappointment in herself; I wanted to protect Debra from her hunger; I wanted to protect you, Michael, from losing a joy (your gift of art) that others in their woundedness would take from you. It occurred to me this morning that protection for me involves also the desire to give something--I wished I could give Russ a sense of belonging; Nathan compassion for himself; Pam a sense of grace and mercy; Debra peace; and you freedom for joy and discovery.

Interesting learnings. I feel like I'm coming to know myself--and the fabric from which my stories spring--in a new and deeper way.


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